one of those days

The day you feel like you could teach a class on "how to fail as a mother" day.

That would be today.

Always with the best of intentions but still a shitastic day.

Started out a-ok. I planned on getting us out of the house by going to the local egg hunt- easy enough- right? RIGHT….


So I go because it says it starts at 9am. I am ready. Pack the kids' things. 2 coats, gloves, hats, an extra bottle for reece, the carrier, the gum (foster man concentrates better with it), the stroller, let the dog out one last time. Did i mention it is 20 degrees? That can't keep us in- we have been hibernating too long. Both kids fed and bundled. Heading out the door. Reece pukes down her outfit smiling. Quickly return inside for a change up. Okay lets try again. Out the door. 3 min down the road and husband texts that we got the wrong time. It starts at 1045. Well damn it. Kids already in the car. Decide to stop at Krogers because there have been a few things I have been meaning to pick up. As we are in that large- I can't drive it- car on the end cart- foster is bending over outside of the cart, head trailing on the floor still strapped in checking everyone out upside down. I decide to ignore this as I am trying to make a quick trip-exit out of the store. Pick your battles right? Get to check out. Only one aisle is open. It's okay. We've got this. Reece starts yelling to be out of the cart. Ok still good.
Getting out of the cart I back into a large movie display. Knocking it over. Still holding Reece. Checking Foster. I pick up the display. All over middle aisle. Try to get back in line. Krogers employee says he will take me in the next check out. Oh thank god. God bless you man. Get the forsaken cart into the next line without hitting anything over. Putting things on the belt with Reece in my arms. Simultaneously see Foster taking every candy bar off the bottom rack and into his beep beep car. Lord. Okay get him past the candy bars. Pick up candy bars. PLace accordingly. Whew. Okay done at Krogers. Out the door. Only burned 20 minutes. Damn damn damn. Go around trying to pluck up the courage to go into another store. Can't do it. Decide to text a friend. No answer. again damn it. No one to stop and bother. Ok lets make it back to this library-effin- egg - hunt adventure. I can do this - I am super mom.
As i get closer I quickly recognize I can't park anywhere remotely close to the library. Ok park at church- hope I don't get towed. Pack both babies in. Reece in ergo. Foster in the stroller. realize that I can't get the strap on the stroller done. It is stuck. Stuff Foster in the stroller. He refuses to wear his gloves. Fine. Reece strapped on and we are off.






Get into library. I look around the packed surroundings and try to navigate the stroller and myself between the masses. Foster is a butterball in the stroller. Unable to make any big movements. Thank goodness. I look around jealously eyeing the children that are calmly walking with their parents and moving on. Oh well- quickly get over that morose feeling because there is no point in it. Try to avoid the gawkers of redheads and touching of strangers. Realize Foster is falling out of the stroller as he is not actually strapped in. The coat riding up his neck and choking him. Great- time to get out of the library. Too much stimulation. Too much going on. Foster does not appear to be taking it well and I do not have enough hands. Quickly navigating the crowd back out to the sub zero frigid temperatures of the arctic. A hundred children in a cluster fuck of eggs. See the fire truck. Daddy is on the fire truck. Great. Foster will love this. Wait in line. Look back down to Foster again pouring himself out of the stroller. On a hill- attempting to get him back in by myself- this is a losing battle. Multiple cuss words overflowing into the void of my mind that thought this was a great idea- that person was a lunitic. Thank you nice man for putting him back. Continue to wait in line. There's daddy Foster. Almost there. Announcement from traitor of a father that there is a run and they must leave. Look down sadly at foster and realize his hands appear to be freezing. Decide it is time to abort mission.


Aborting quickly back to vehicle. Get there and oh fuck me- I lost the damn keys. Foster has proceeded to start screaming as his hands appears to be that lovely cyanotic purple. I think reece just starts screaming to join in. I am down on my hands and knee with a baby on my chest looking for keys. 5 minutes of screaming and foster can't catch his breath. He appears that he may puke. He is looking at his blue fingers- probably in astonishment that he can not feel them at this point. Oh thank god there are the keys. Tucked tightly into the front of the ergo. Yes- I remember now- that IS where I placed them. Ok Get Reece out of the ergo to the carseat.



Annnnnnnndddddd you have got to be kidding me. There has been an explosion. There is poop everywhere. Down her lovely back out the top of the diaper. It must of happened when I was on the ground. Now what ?!?? How to best tackle this? Attempt to get screaming- choking- gagging Foster into into his carseat without any poop contact. That accomplished - I.must.tackle. poop. Why me?



I am now finally home. Fed the grumpy children and am letting them rot their brains for 15 minutes watching peppa pig. I deserve a minute. I am done with my attempts at super mom- fuck you super moms. There was no egg hunt and I sit in my unaccomplished state. The egg hunt was an adventure- just not the one I had hoped for. FYI- I think foster will keep all his fingers- just barely- evidenced by the amount of screaming that happened today.

I Belong To You

I may be a little obsessed with this album and it's lyrics. I listen and can feel it over and over again.