Just a little

I haven't written in a while because, in all honesty, there are things that once said out loud can't be taken back. There are so many worries, inadequacies floating around in my head that putting them down on paper gives them even more significance. Even more relavence in my life. So many things that I "just didn't know" came along with being a momma and a wife . There's an unprecedented respect I now have gained for all parents that raised decent humans. 

I think falling into the chasm that is motherhood is so unbelievably daunting and hard. To loose your sense of self in the identity crisis that is parenthood. The person you once were you can never be again. These little people made you see your whole world in a different light. There is grief in that and light. I'm looking to strike the balance of finding myself amongst the chaos of toddlers, work, therapy sessions, chores, and life. I'm unsure if I even know how to do that. The guilt that is overwhelming when I take any time alone. To reclaim a feeling of confidence that I once embodied. (It left me around the same time I started pissing myself when I sneezed.)

For this moment I am in the thick of it...