I am still counting off how many weeks this baby would be in my head. I am thinking of what it's little face would have looked like. It's the dream of a smile that I'm mourning. I understand. It was early. "It was meant to be". But to me all those are bullshit and don't need to be said. Please just say you're angry with me. That you're angry too. That life is fleeting and sometimes snatched away before it can even be. I love Foster, I loved this one, and I'll love the next. I just hope to be able to breathe through the next pregnancy. I think maybe that this experience gave me a whole new perspective and an ability of empathy that I didn't have before. That sometimes even though I don't understand things right now- I will later.
Right now i'm holding on to this beautiful face. a love of my life. he fills my life to the brim. holding my husbands hand watching him grow. dreaming of our babies to come
