Wake up

What is it about being an adult that just makes you want to pull the covers back over your head? My alarm goes off at 5:22. I immediately access the rapid pace I will have to keep to get out of the house by 6:25, sitter by 6:45. Work by 7. Lunches packed. Dog fed. Kids fed. Dressed. Meltdowns addressed. Hearts soothed. Not to mention me getting ready. Thinking about what I should set out for dinner. If I paid the sitter. The electric bill. Preschool. Did I sign up for the kids special days? What time is it again. Oh 6:22. Oh fuckety fuck fuck. I'm never going to make it. Then begins work. I have meetings. Home visits. Phone calls to return. Coffee just spilled down my front. Did I turn off the coffee pot? It just seems easier to go back to bed. I sound whiny and feel guilty for that. I love my job. I love my kids. But I would love to drink my coffee on the porch and watch the sun rise. To quietly listen to the news. My kids are currently fighting tooth and nail. I may go break that up. I'll quietly enjoy my wine sometime soon and remind myself that each season has its trials. Good night. Ready to race into tomorrow. No matter how unwillingly I go. 

leaning in

I vehemently feel that if you rise to the occasion life will throw you a rope. That if you just keep chugging along praying to whatever god there is out there that something comes along. I met Rick at a time in my life I had no idea he was what I was looking for. I don't think I was looking for him. I fought for that relationship, broke off a huge chunk of my heart and left it to him. Running to another place and job and looking forward. And you know what? He and the world stepped up to the damn plate. It said "we've got you" and they did.

Foster wasn't hitting any of his milestones. He wasn't and isn't the same as others. I let the doctors and circumstance direct us instead of trusting. Then I think yet again Rick and I made it happen. We accepted our little boy and leaned in. He is AWESOME. Honestly one of the most intelligent humans I've ever met. In that time we had a miscarriage. I came to terms with that and accepted how it changed us. Then the world, Buddha, God, life gave us REECE. Shit they gave Foster REECE. His best friend. An overwhelming belief is in me that she is half of his heart and always will be.

Then there is this job that I just happened into. Messed up circumstances. New experiences. Education that is letting life pour into me instead of sucking me dry. Then a new position within my position. I am in a good place.

Obsessed with the people in my life. LIFE makes you lean in.