timing

timing is everything.
hearing only part of a conversation.
feeling your heart jump into your throat.
jumping to the wrong conclusion.
to know only part of a story.

place your trust in those that deserve it.
believe with your heart.
answer the hard questions. for yourself.
and believe in good.
go the distance.

Ed Sheeran - "Give Me Love"

Monday morning rain.
Listing to Ed Sheeran station.
Susan sleeping on my lap.
Baby birt inside.
A good book waiting to be read.
Decaf coffee in hand.
Life is more than good. Life is beautiful.

flutter

I walk in the door.... "hi sweets" i smile because i can never not smile at him. he makes me laugh. makes my heart swell. i through my arms around him and kiss his lips. i love this man. i upset him last week i think. as a nurse i have access to an ultrasound with many willing friends and i wanting to see baby birt i love this. watching it swim, bounce, move. its heart flutter. its an addictive thing to watch life grow. its affirming that there is a god. i just didnt really think about rick. and i am sorry for this. but rick got to see our baby this week. his eyes were fixated on the screen. watching its heart flutter. watching baby do flips in my tummy. i love that we made a baby together. that he is just as happy about it as i am. that his hearts on his sleeve and he can't wait to meet our child. having him as my baby's father is a gift.

oooo baby

Baby Birt, I'm sitting here looking at my tummy. Not so flat like I like it anymore. I have a "pooch". A ever rounding tummy. You are almost 13 weeks inside. I am hungry for tomatoes all the time. I want spaghetti, tomato soup,tomato sandwiches. Daddy can vouch for me. I can't get enough. I'm dreaming all the time now. Strong, sometimes vividly unpleasent dreams. I am so very tired. I am told that this will get better. I'm nauseated and waking up with headaches. Each time I have pains run across my stomach I wonder if everything is alright. I clutch you inside of me a little tighter. Because you- baby- are wanted so much. I wish to myself that there were a manual that told me what pains were ok and which aren't. I dream about what you will look like...Will you have daddys eyes? I love Daddy's eyes. I fell in love with them. I really love your daddy. He makes my heart glow. Will you have my red hair? I really hope you're not like me. I wish for you a sunny laid back personality. I'm really high strung- daddy says I'm on crack. Will you have hands like my mothers and a nose like my grandmother? I just want you- healthy- little person. I am so excited to feel you move inside of me... I'm trying to wait patiently. I already think you're beautiful and can't wait to touch your face, see your smile. Know this baby. You will be so loved. Everyone is so excited to meet you. It is only June and we have to wait until December. I had no idea waiting would be so hard. So grow grow grow baby birt. If you're a girl we are thinking Jolynn. My grandpa's names Jo and daddy really likes jolynn. If you're a boy maybe Wilder? We will have to wait and see. Love always, Mommy