New Year

I have been given two wonderful grandpa's.
I posted a picture of my Grandpa Motza earlier this year and wanted one of Grandpa Long. This is a favorite of mine. He is looking at Grandma Norma. I love his face.
Grandpa is the epitome of "what you see is what you get". His love for my family and his God is so fierce. He believes in us all so much. He is the first grandpa to pull out his wallet and start in on the photos. To praise and encourage and to say when we're full of it. He calls and asks if I'm coming over for weekly. He gets mad and leaves me messages on how I've been neglecting my grandparents. My grandpa, he never missed a basketball game. He drove across the country to watch me play. He thinks that he is the best dancer there ever was and will tell you so. He told me he might go ahead and get spacebook (apparently what he hears when the grand kids talk facebook). He sits on the edge of his seat watching love stories on Hallmark.He rebuilds engines and will never let you win. He is a man I respect and cherish.



"Don't you just hate that? Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to talk about bull in order to be comfortable? That's when you know you've found somebody really special, when you can just shut the heck up for a minute and comfortably share a silence." - Pulp Fiction



Let's sit on front porchs and swing life away.
Let's compare scars.
Just be together.

"Poison & Wine" | The Civil Wars | OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO [HD]

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don't have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
Oh I don't love you but I always will
I always will
I always will

No matter how much you need something it doesn't always matter.

i carry your heart with me by E. E. Cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I heard this poem from Mrs. Turner for the first time in high school.
The poem meant something to me then.
I read this poem in college.
It meant even more.
I heard it again in a movie tonight.
The meaning changes.
The ache that this poem leaves with me resonates.

I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.
I think that's what we all want.

Stone Sour - Hesitate [HQ]

Whip My Hair (Cover)

Jerrod Niemann - What Do You Want

Five Finger Death Punch - Far From Home

A corey song that is being played over and over.

I went on squad runs with the local fire department last week. Walked into a boy's club of the best kind. The way they move is a well practiced dance and I didn't know many steps. I felt like I was looking the window and wishing to be a part of something. Their interactions are that of brothers. Respect doesn't cover what I think of them. An enlightening day of new experience. Plus they have hottt uniforms and get to drive fire engines... not much cooler than that.

My house is alive again. Not just living lonely. There's a reason to be around.My brother moved in. I love that there is someone there in the next room. I think when you've grown up together you fall into the same rhythm. Music blaring. Dancing through the house. Cookies just the way I like. I know how he operates. I know how he likes his eggs, his toast, his coffee. I know how to gauge his moods and his state of mind. I know not to approach him in the morning until he approaches you. I like that he is as disciplined and ocd as I am. He makes me laugh. I just love him. I want the best for him and hope he can find a sense of home here.

I feel
Beautiful
Wanted
Fabulously
Happy
Thankful
....and a little frustrated.
I hate waiting.

Nick Swardson: Seriously, who farted? (part 1/5)

Laugh.
Modern Family- Phil and Jay. Enough Said.
Nicholas- former gay roller skating prostitute.
Where's kelly?

I could watch these on repeat and still laugh every time.

Smile. Laugh with me now.

Mumford And Sons - Awake My Soul

Where you invest your love you invest your life.

PARAMORE - Use Somebody Acoustic Cover (KoL) BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge

I believe in following signs, I look for them.
I have a hard time giving up (even when I should).
I believe the best in people (even when I shouldn’t).
My face gives away all my feelings.
A song speaks louder than words.
Actions speak even louder than a song.
My hands shake all the time.
I love classic country and alt rock.
Holding hands always makes me feel better.
I believe in the power of touch because my mom taught me so.
I touch when I talk. I touch when I care.
Listening to sports makes me feel as safe and as comforted as a lullaby.
I talk too much when I’m nervous.
Don’t leave your feelings left unsaid if they’re happy feelings, you’ll only regret it.
I love children and the things they say.
I love fairy tales and I try to believe in happy endings.
I don’t know if they exist.
I think you should show others how you care.
Laughter helps heal.
I love when someone actually looks at me. And actually sees me. Not what I let them see
or what they want to see.
Jumping in is what I do best.

Robyn 'Be Mine!'

Middle Class Rut - New Low (Official Video)

Kenny Chesney - Somewhere With You (Walmart Soundcheck)

A moment can change everything.
Helped tell a guy in his fifties that he has cancer today.
The fear that registered.
I've been on the family side.
That initial gut wrenching moment of fuck me.
The thought that this can't happen to my family.
Looking around and trying to keep the threads of your emotions intact.
Barely keeping your head above water.
Denial, bargaining, hoping.
So when you tell someone they have cancer.
There is nothing to say.
The only thing left to do is feel.
Illness changes more than the patient.
It changes the whole family.


I don't want to waste anything.
I don't want a day to go by with words unspoken.
Because a moment...well, it changes everything.

Learned a lot

This song doesn't come out until his Jan 25 2011 release of Mission Bell.
As always. I love his stuff.
Everyone I tell about him loves his sound.
No matter what age there is an appeciation of Amos Lee.

We've all been in this place.
Mourning what could have been.
Who we could have been.
Breaking down.
Rebuilding who we are now.
In the end we've all learned a lot.
Only Amos Lee can make the sound of heartbreak.

Breaking Laces - Here To Stay

I think Breaking Laces has a Brett Dennen sound.
Simplistic bridge and lyrics.
I first heard their song Hold my Head- catchy and will run through your head all
day.
But I want something that's here to stay.
Breaking laces doesn't have the best voices but their lyrics ring true.
"You're lightening in a bottle baby"
Be here to stay.



Nobody chooses to be a freak. Most people don't realize they're a freak until it's way to late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they've already moved on. Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever.

Dan Auerbach "Trouble Weighs A Ton" Live on SIRIUS XMU

A friend of mine loves the Black Keys like a bad addiction. Dan Auerbach put out a solo CD and I think I may like this even more. The things I feel when I listen to this song.
Beautiful.

Trouble weighs a ton is an understatement.
I keep looking around thinking something has to give.
Life weighs a ton right now. It's the little things that I hope go my way and never do.
The things that I let hurt repeatedly.
The belief in goodness that isn't really there.
My continued hope in others that is jaded with time.
I want to take off the trouble and give it away.
I want to believe in something and someone.

You could be better than that

- this song makes me laugh


We meet thousands of people in our lives. How come when you meet one it can change everything?

electric feel

Don't mistake the way you feel for someone else for the way they feel about you.

Nickelback - How You Remind Me (Video)

I believe in second chances.
Hurting by disregard is my fault.
I'm stopping it.
It's my fault for letting you in.
I'll be wiser.
I won't keep doing this.

Big Jet Plane

Do you ever have one of those days where you think "I should have just stayed in bed"? I should have rolled over and pulled the covers over my head. To say the least- I should have stayed in bed today.

let it be

I heard this song a while back as some background music on a tv show. I liked it so much I had to find it. His voice is just right and makes me want to curl up. Listen.







Good luck today Daddy!

Mike Posner - Please Don't Go

Cee Lo Green - F**K YOU (Official Video)

Pity the fool

Getting ready- dance around the house.

Slide in tom cruise style

And it has to be a good start to the day.

baby baby smile today


Can't tell you how many times I've watched this.
The part where Chelsea loses it- I'm not embarrassed to say that I've tried to do the dance. I'm sure not to the same effect.

Matt Hires - Honey Let me sing you a song + Lyrics

Maybe I'm blind.
Maybe I'm Blind.
Thought I saw light.
Thought I saw light.
I want to shine brighter.
Dont' run away.
Look me in the eye.
Don't look away.
Open your mind.
Don't leave me outside.
I'll try to hold you like the starry skies.
Oh let me just shine brighter.
Don't listen to my words as they come out wrong.
Let me look in your eyes.
Don't look away this time.

When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...
Live through this, and you won't look back...

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you

Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson - Winter Song

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love?

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so i have been told.

They say we're buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so long,
Cause youre not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change,
And life will find a way.

I'll be your harvester of light,
And send it out tonight
So we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so long,
Cause youre not where you belong;
Inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Is love alive


I love you Sundy- Thank you for being a piece of my sanity

Straylight Run - "Existentialism on Prom Night" Victory Records

Say what you think
no ones listening

sing me something soft
sad and delicate
loud and out of key
sing me anything


Mom you are my backbone.You give me a confidence that I don't innately have. You are my councious. I think would mom do this?( Usually the answer is "Hell ya she would", because you are a pretty liberal freak.) I just hate seeing you hurting. Broken. Small. No words. Because you are never at a loss for words. (The ostounding breadth of your vocabulary is amazing.) Get better please. I need you and your words.

Citizen Cope Sideways

You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away

I'm painting another picture...

Know me well

RELAX

BREATHE

KISMET


Tired out,
Not a miracle in this.
Oh yeah.
Sad is for the lonely.
Wishin' tears.

Tried nothing if you dropped dead.
Not a miracle in years..
That's for the lonely.
Wishin' this this is is sarian, this this is is yourian.

Die and see,
You say it out loud,
But you just don't care.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well,
Do you know me well?
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well,
Do you know me well?
Girlfriend?

Well, you're far from home,
I'm with you now.
I'm lonely,
I'm loneliness too.
Boy, the miracles still give fortune tears.

This is the glory, is this how you want it?
Not a miracle in years.
Sad is for the lonely.
Wishin' that, that, that,
Wishs that, that, that for this.

Die and see
I say it out loud,
But you just don't care.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well,
Do you know me well?
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well,
Do you know me well?
Girlfriend?

What if you

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I'm at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shawty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.
Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now I'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah, it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.


Being open to possibilites means you're open to hurt
If you don't take chances life is nothing
Paint the picture

Oh My God (Official Video)

idk

Don't Give Me a Promise You'll Never Keep

The Fall

She is packing in slow motion the sun is coming up
I am sitting in the next room staring in my coffee cup
Now we are driving down the shoreline, this car is cut in two
I am quiet, she is humming, When the Stars Go Blue

And pulling up to JFK, there really isn't much to say

Chorus:
Don't tell me you'll write me, don't tell me you'll call
Just tell me you'll see me in the Fall
Don't give me a promise you know you'll never keep
Go and find it all and I'll see you in the Fall

Now I'm back at our apartment and nothing feels the same
Her coat is gone, her toothbrush is missing,
All the flowers start to fade
And September feels so far away

Let you fly away from me, fate will bring you back to me
And darling that's all we have

Don't write don't call I'll see you in the Fall
Don't write don't call I'll see you in the Fall

Used

Great remake.

Shit Happens.
Keep Moving.
You'll Forget.
They'll Regret.

I think that it's not the label of your job that defines you. It is the relationships you have in your life that define. Caring makes all the difference. Put in the effort.

pocket of your jeans

As a hair dye virgin I did not know what I was getting myself into. I had a meltdown. Am now coming to terms with it and actually like it.
This song speaks for itself.


I wish to feel smaller
under your sheets.
I wish for the whole truth
every time you speak.
I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me
While I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep...

And I guess it doesn't matter what I say or what I seem
You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
Ignoring me the morning after
isn't enough
and I swear I'm gonna cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

And my blood won't stick
To the confines of my veins.
And your heart
Is gonna tear mine away.

And I wish to feel smaller under your hands,
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine
down your pants.
And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me
While you lift up my shirt after asking politely.

And I guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be
Cuz it's her you'll always love and it's her I'll always envy.
I want to end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up.
But I swear I'm gonna cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

And my blood won't stick
To the confines of my veins.
And your heart
Is gonna tear mine away.

And it's hard to find
What I want
When it's buried beneath the biggest rock.
I could pay lots of money
To help lift it with machines
But I'm not sure you'd cooperate.
Not sure you'd come clean.

And I wish to feel smaller
under your sheets.
I wish for the whole truth
every time you speak.
And I'm thinkin' about how you care half as much for me
As I watch you arrive, smoke cigarettes, sleep.

And I guess it doesn't matter what I say or what I seem
You stuck what I felt for you in the pocket of your jeans.
Ignoring me the morning after isn't enough
and I swear I'm going to cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

Yeah, I swear I'm gonna cry.
I'm sick of tryin' to be tough.

And my blood won't stick
To the confines of my veins.
And your heart
Is gonna tear mine away.

Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love

Been listening to Florence and the Machine for the past year. Now they're everywhere. Eat Pray Love trailer. VMA's. Vamp Diaries.Commercials. I feel like they're being stolen. Love her voice. Smile and mean it.

say what you mean and mean what you say. i do.

Wake up

I was starting a line on an elderly woman while her husband sat beside her today. He held her hand. Beautiful hard calloused hands. I watched his eyes hold hers. She took in his strength. It may sound dumb but it made me ache and want to cry. Will I ever be able to look at someone and gather strength from just a look?
There's this line in the movie Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams makes the statement to Matt Damon, " I've bet you'd even say you've been laid a few times. But can you say you've woken up beside someone you love and been truly happy?"
It makes me wonder if that's out there for me? Things just hurt right now. Words hurt. Lacking. Today was too long.
Stop screwing around and live.

Skinny LOvE

I told you to be patient
I told you to be kind

I turn this up and lay in the middle of my rug to bliss out. speakers up.
Don't waste any love.

Mumford & Sons - White Blank Page (Bookshop Sessions)

Would you lay next to me and give me your heart?
Rocking band.

It gets to me

Don't think it don't get to me.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it

Motion City

Thank Annon. Love this tune.

Over and over

Sing it baby

You only fight with those you care about

Because you love over and over again

touch

nothings true and nothings right
just say your truth
so you can hold my hand or walk away

Chasing

i swear i'm not an angry person

When the time is right

I keep waiting for the time to be right.
I work and I work and I work.
I hope and I hope and I hope.
That I won't always have to fill my life up like this.
That there will be other reasons.
Other places. Better times. Different times.
I want to be right. So I won't have worked and hoped for
no reason at all.
But nothing ever turns out the way I planned.

Risk

Stevie is classic.

Robin Thicke? What can I say about Mr. Thicke. I love that he has his wife in the video with him and that they were high school sweethearts. That his dad is the growing pains dad. I turn his music on and groove. Chill beauty. Check out in the morning with Snoop dog.

I feel like putting myself out there. Taking a risk to be there. These 2 songs are a symbolence of that for me. Letting another in is always a risk.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live

Dull Roar

Does missing make things worthwhile? Do you have to understand what you have lost before you can appreciate it? I don't want that to happen.


My mother is one of those people that can put her head down on the pillow and is out. She can call on sleep at any given moment and sleep says "Why yes Hello". I was not made like that.
I have issues with sleep. We fight constantly. I grew up despising it for one reason or another. I can't turn my mind off. It's a jumping topic freakshow. Why sleep? I have so much to do. I look for ways to help the evil sleep fiasco. This song helps me turn my mind down to a dull roar. Plus it's just beautiful.

Favorite of mine. Tanya Tucker Delta Dawn. It gets me everytime.

Contradictions

Damien Rice 9 Crimes

World Turns

Girl stood on the rocks with the water at her feet
the sun on her skin and a tear on her cheek
With her hand on her chest and the wind in her hair
Underneath her breath like a beggar's prayer she said

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

And thats when the girl reached in her pocket
pulled out a silver heart-shaped locket
Opened it up and stared for a while at her faded boy
with a lazy smile, oh how

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

And she walked to the deepest part of the river
And she thought about diving in
She imagined how the current would overtake her
How easy it would be to disappear

But instead she tossed the locket
In the cool, blue, water

That night in her bed, she let herself weep
She let herself cry herself to sleep
And there in a dream somewhere in the night
Saw the boy and the locket by the riverside, saying

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

This song is beautiful. Simplistic.
-My grandmother likes to say that if you knew how little others actually think about you then you wouldn't care so much what you looked like.
I think that she just means that everyone around us is wrapped up in their own problems. In their own stories. Sometimes taking on your story too is not something they can stand. It isn't that they don't care, it's that sometimes they forget to look around. To see what is happening. Be in the present. Every human being has the same expectations in their life. To be seen. To be felt. I want those around me to know that I care about them. To understand the love I want to send their way. I don't want to hold on to anger. I want happy. I think being present is the start to that. To listen.
Off to TN. A start to let a good friend know I care.

Hide Away

You decide

Weekend

I like this remake of mad world more than the original. Plus it reminds me of happy.



Boyce Avenue is known for their remakes. Iris. Beautiful girls.(listen to if you get the chance) But I like this one. An original of theirs. It reminds me to accept things I can not change.

Let today be happy. Let fate guide us. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

Wonderwall

Can you say ache?
Ryan Adams makes me feel.
He makes me wonder.
I fell for him a few years back and wore Demolition out.
Repeat and feel. Repeat and cry. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat...
Listen to DEAR CHICAGO. Love.

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda, somehow, realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Weary

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

Permission.
So dumb.
Believing in someone.
Trust.

sunshine

Mr. Withers makes me want to find out who the woman was. The feeling that I get when this song comes on my ipod is chills. He knows he's not really the best for her but he can't help it.

worry

Going through the motions.
Consumed by fear.
All the right moves.
Elusive Happy.
Tomorrow will bring better days.

throw your arms around me

Black white grey. Clear cut? I think not.
I hate wasting time or having my time wasted.
I forgot how much rejection hurts.
That no matter how much I want something it doesn't mean anything.
I want to be wanted like this song. I think everyone does.
Blogging and tired doesn't mix.

?

Sleeping to Dream

If you could pick one song to be the soundtrack to your life or the soundtrack of the day what would it be?

There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light."
J. P.

Say what you mean to say

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.



Dog Days Are Over Lyrics
Happiness, it hurt like a train on a track
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming so you better run

Run fast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for your children and your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your loving behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can't you hear the horses
Cuz here they come

And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had
And what was left after that too. oh.

Happiness it hurt like a bullet in the mind
Stuck them up drainpipes
By someone who should know better than that

The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses
Cuz here they come

Run fast for your mother and fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your loving behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses because here they come

The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses because here they come

Stolen Car

I found me a little girl and I settled down
In a pretty little house in a pretty little town
We got married, and swore we'd never part
Then little by little we drifted from each other's heart

And I'm driving a stolen car
On a pitch black night
And I'm doing my best to make it through
And Im just sitting down here at the Stanton light
I wanna get caught but I never do

At first I thought it was just restlessness
That would fade as time went by and our love grew deep
In the end it was something more I guess
That tore us apart and made us weep

And I'm driving a stolen car
waiting on that little red light
I keep telling myself everything's gonna be alright
But I drive by night and I travel in fear
that in this darkness I will just disappear

She asked if I remembered the letters I wrote
When our love was young and we were bold
She said last night she read those letters
And they made her feel one hundred years old

There's a river that runs by that little town down into the sea
It was there in the shade I laid my body down as she flowed on so effortlessly
Now there's a party tonight out at County line, there'll be dancing down at seven trees
From these banks I can see those party lights shine, maby she's there maybe she's looking for me

Last night I dreamed I made the call
I swore to return to stay forever more
once again we stood on the wedding steps at whipre hall
and walked on and on through the chapel door
I can remember how good I felt inside when the preacher said "Son you may kiss the bride"
But as I leaned over to touch her pretty lips I felt it all slip away through my fingertips

And I'm driving a stolen car through a pitch black night
I keep telling myself everything is gonna be alright
But I ride by night and I travel in fear no matter what I do, or where I drive
Nobody ever sees me when I ride by

Butterfly

"Butterfly"

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby

Such a sexy,sexy pretty little thing
Fierce nipple pierce you got me sprung with your tongue ring
and I ain't gonna lie cause your loving gets me high
So to keep you by my side there's nothing that I won't try
Butterflies in her eyes and looks to kill
Time is passing I'm asking could this be real
Cause I can't sleep I can't hold still
The only thing I really know is she got sex appeal

I can feel too much is never enough
You're always there to lift me up
When these times get rough I was lost Now I'm found
Ever since you've been around
You're the women that I want
So yo, I'm putting it down.

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

I don't deserve you unless it's some kind of hidden message
to show me life is precious
Then I guess it's true
But to tell truth, I really never knew
T'll I met you... See I was lost and confused
Twisted and used up
Knew a better life existed but thought that I missed it

My lifestyle's wild I was living like a wild child
Trapped on a short leash paroled the police files
So yo. what' s happening now?
I see the sun breaking down into dark clouds
and a vision of you standing out in a crowd.

Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Hey sugar momma, come and dance with me
The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me
Whatever tickles your fancy
Girl it's me and you like Sid and Nancy
So sexy....almost evil Talkin' about butterflies in my head
I used to think that happy endings were only in the books I read but
you made me feel alive when I was almost dead

You filled that empty space with the love I used to chase
and as far as I can see it don't get better than this
So butterfly, here is a song and it's sealed with a kiss
and a thank you miss.

come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
so come and dance with me
uhhhhh ha uhhh ha

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

Come my lady
Come come my lady
you're my butterfly
Sugar.baby
come my lady you're my
pretty baby ill make your legs shake
you make me go crazy

come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
uhhhhhh ha uhhhhhh ha
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me
come and dance with me



It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Its hard to know when to give up the fight
Two things you want will just never be right
Its never rained like it has to night before
Now I don't wanna beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm still alive underneath this shroud
Rain Rain Rain




Butterfly reminds me of high school. Crusing with Sabrina. Oh yeah we were awesome. Summer Happiness. Windows down- in our o so cool cars.Caddy and intrepid respectively. Music blaring. LAke manor. fudge.lawn mowers.Fresh cut grass. Tobacco. I miss those days. I recently heard it and haven't been able to get it out of my head. It's on repeat. Kinda of a dirty song for it to make me so happy. So chilling with crazy town this week. Ultimate.


Ok I know I have repeatedly posted Patty Griffin. I just love her voice it rings true.Always. I first heard this song after watching "A lion in the house". A film that was about my last position on BMT. The film was about the life for pt's on the BMT floor. Jail really. Again balling and watching tv not cool.Its a song for a dreary day. Any chance to check out patty griffin. Jump on board. You won't regret it.

Ben Harper "Morning Yearning"

Forever

Not talkin' 'bout a year
No not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do From you

People spend so much time
Every single day
Runnin' 'round all over town
Givin' their forever away
But no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Like a handless clock with numbers
An infinite of time
No not the forever found
Only in the mind
Forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you


I want to believe that this is attainable.

That forever isn't something only made for fairytales.

I want to know that I didn't sit back and waste a day.

And sometimes no decision at all is a decision in itself.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying
-GA

Love

Their smiles are infectious.
They have the same dirty sense of humor.
When they laugh they sparkle.
Their hugs are like no other.
I like to sit and watch the way they work.
Their hands are rough and always willing to help.
Their feet are identical.
Their eyes tell a hundred stories.
To be loved by them is a gift.

Something to Lose

Dropped all my quarters at the Lee Street car wash
Soap, scrub, rinse, clean and vacuum too
Washed off that note someone wrote on the dirty window
Now my Beretta's lookin' good as new
Yeah, just for you it's lookin' good as new

No one's been ridin' with me for a long while
So I'm bein' careful tryin' to watch my speed
But it's gettin' hard to keep my eyes on the highway
Knowin' you're over in the passenger seat

My heart, be still, I'm havin' trouble breathin'
Wonderin' if you feel the same way that I'm feelin'
Cold sweat, so strange, I can't play it cool
My heart's out on a limb, and girl you'd be somethin' to lose

Waited two hours for a haircut down at Jerry's
He cleaned me up and then I headed home
I put on a new shirt and double-dosed in Cool Water
Stared in the bathroom mirror way too long
Wonderin' if I turn you on

And I know tonight might seem like dinner and a movie
But to me, it means much, much more
Cause I'm bettin' my whole heart that you're gonna love me
And I've never took that kinda chance before

My heart, be still, I'm havin' trouble breathin'
Wonderin' if you feel the same way that I'm feelin'
Cold sweat, so strange, I can't play it cool
My heart's out on a limb, and girl you'd be somethin' to lose
You'd be somethin' to lose

You, me, we should get together now
Cause love may never give another chance
Please don't be afraid to let me in
Cause we may never get this moment back again

My heart, be still, I'm havin' trouble breathin'
Wonderin' if you feel the same way that I'm feelin'
Cold sweat, so strange, I can't play it cool
My heart's out on a limb, and girl you'd be somethin' to lose

Oh you're somethin'
Girl, you're somethin'
You'd be somethin' to lose


It's hard to see whats right in front of me.
I am taking a step back.
Listening.
Feeling.
Realizing what I have to lose.
Hoping.

Temper Trap

sweet disposition
never too soon
oh reckless abandon
like no one's
watching you

a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh

chorus
just stay there
cause i'll be comin over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop til it's over
won't stop to surrender

songs of desperation
I played them for you
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh

chorus:
just stay there
cause i'll be comin over
and while our bloods still young
it's so young
it runs
and we won't stop til it's over
won't stop to surrender

a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs(won't stop til it's over)
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs (won't stop til it's over)
a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a moment, a love
a moment, a love (won't stop to surrender)


I was on my way to the brew garden when this came on the radio. Listening to it I looked through the sunroof and let it fade me into the stars. The chill feeling I get when it comes on is so relaxing and i want to go back to that place amongst the stars. Hope you like it!

Now to the beach:0

Smiles

I am blessed.
I looked around yesterday and my family surrounded me.
I couldn't help but smile.
I want to savor these moments. My grandpas were smiling and laughing.
Everyones healthy right now and I smile.
Water guns were passed around while the sun was shining.
I realize how lucky I am.
I want everyone to know how lucky I am.
My cup is running over.

Someone great told me about this song and it makes me happy.



You know I need your love
You've got that hold over me
Long as I've got your love
You know that I'll never leave
When I wanted you to share my life
I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you woman
Right down the line

I know how much I lean on you
Only you can see
The changes that I've been through
Have left a mark on me
You've been as constant as a Northern Star
The brightest light that shines
It's been you woman right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way
Of tellin' you everything
I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
That every day I'm lovin' you so much more
'Cause you believed in me through my darkest night
Put somethin' better inside of me
You brought me into the light
Threw away all those crazy dreams
I put them all behind
And it was you woman
Right down the line

I just wanna say this is my way of tellin' you everything
I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
Everything I could never say before
Yeah this is my way of tellin' you
That every day I'm lovin' you so much more

If I should doubt myself, if I'm losing ground
I won't turn to someone else
They'd only let me down
When I wanted you to share my life
I had no doubt in my mind
And it's been you woman
Right down the line

Smooth Summer Days

This song is quietly addictive and begs for a repeat on your ipod rotation.




The only word I have for Amos Lee- SMOOTH.
Lean back and listen.

Duh?

I am sitting in triage at work and wondering what brought each person here (as in the level of stupidity they currently reside in). Here's my conversation with a perfectly healthy 30 yr old.
What brings you in today?
I fell.
How did you fall?
I fell off a ladder.
How high were you on the ladder?
One step.
Oh- ok. Well why are you here?
I hurt everywhere!

I can not get over this. It amazing me. Absolutely amazes me.

Happy Birthday Mom

Mom I hope you have a great birthday! Enjoy your massage/facial!

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

I'm trying to practice this.
To let go of things I can not change.
To be happy, despite the decisions of others.

I think that deciding to be happy is an everyday choice. To continually make the decision to look at the glass half full is difficult. Their have been some upsetting things have happened this week, but i think that new doors will open and change can be beautiful. I'm trying to let go. Be open to the new.



Brett Dennen- amaze
I ain't going to lose you- I'm not

The upside of down

HOPE HOPE HOPE






At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.





Matt Kearney
Closer to Love
She got the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
We're gonna get there soon

If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singin' this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon,
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' Lord, come through
We're gonna get there soon

[Chorus:]
Oh it's your light,
Oh it's your way,
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin' out now
From so far away...
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love

Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin' down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon,
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room,
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon

[Chorus:]
Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to show me the way
Cryin' out now
From so far away...
Pull me closer to love
Closer to love

'Cause you are all that I've waited for
All of my life (We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited for
All of my life
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love
Pull me closer to love
Closer to love, oh no
Closer to love
Closer to love
Pull me closer to love

Black and White

I've realized that everything isn't black and white.
I know that things should not fall into shades of grey.
I am in a shade of grey.
A shade of limbo.
I want stability.
I want happiness.
I'm trying to lean, not leap.
I am grateful.

My brother is in the hospital.
I am consumed.
I want him healthy.
I have a bounicing ball of ideas running through my head.
I can not concentrate.
I wake up a dozen times a night.
Just Breathe.




Jason Aldean
Amarillo Sky

Amarillo Sky lyrics

He gets up before the dawn;
Packs a lunch an' a thermos full of coffee.
It's another day in the dusty haze;
Those burnin' rays are wearin' down his body.
The diesels worth the price of gold;
It's the cheapest grain he's ever sold,
But he's still holdin' on.

He just takes the tractor another round,
An' pulls the plow across the ground,
And sends up another prayer.
He says: "Lord, I never complain, I never ask: 'Why?'
"Please don't let my dreams run dry,
"Underneath, underneath this Amarillo Sky."

That hail storm back in '83,
Sure did take a toll on his family.
But he stayed strong and carried on,
Just like his Dad and Granddad did before him.
On his knees every night,
He prays: "Please let my crops and children grow,"
'Cause that's all he's ever known.

He just takes the tractor another round,
An' pulls the plow across the ground,
And sends up another prayer.
He says: "Lord, I never complain, I never ask: 'Why?'
"Please don't let my dreams run dry,
"Underneath, underneath this Amarillo Sky."

[Instrumental Break]

An' he takes the tractor another round. (Another round.)
Another round. (Another round.)
Another round.
An' he takes the tractor another round, another round.
He says: "I never complain, I never ask: 'Why?'
"Please don't let my dreams run dry,
"Underneath, underneath this Amarillo Sky.
"Underneath this Amarillo Sky."


TRAILER PARK BOYS (For Dad and Corey)

Tegan and Sara

I fell for Tegan and Sara a few years back when I heard where does the good go. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive. I love that line. They're twin sisters who harmonize to great effect. If you get a chance listen to the acoustic version of their stuff. Great!

Shout out to Dad- happy birthday! I love you Daddy. Carmel Cake here we come. You better enjoy you facial/massage.

Fink

I don't know if you noticed anything different
It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long
I don't know if you even noticed at all
That I'm long gone baby, I'm long gone

And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and
The things that keep me alive keep me alone

This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything missing
Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor
I don't know if you'll even notice at all
Coz I was real quiet when I closed the door

And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and
The things that keep me alive keep me alone

This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything different
I don't know if you even notice at all
I don't know if you notice anything missing

This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing
This Is The Thing




I heard this song on a movie I was watching recently. I couldn't sit through the movie. I've been like a five year old with ADHD lately. I had got up and was cleaning (because I find it relaxing)when this song came on. I came back to the movie and replayed the scene to listen. I just like it. The premise is sad but I like the simplistic sound. Don't read into this one. I just like the song.

I'm getting excited. Dad and family on saturday. Going out with Mandy and Misty next Friday. Going to see Rach and Lee next month. A lot of good. It's warm and its beautiful outside. Shawn and I have some more bookings. I am excited and nervous. I am going to be in charge of the brides side of it. My new lens comes in next week. I am so thankful for those that are in my life and those that I wish were in my life more.

And since it seems to be the theme:
25 thoughts of Bliss
1. Diet Coke- It is pure goodness. I like it better than any food. I think it's a sickness.
2. Family- I love my family. I want a big family with kids everywhere.A house that is alive with love.
3. I once saw a couple who were married for 60 years. He helped her up and waited beside her- he held out his hand without looking and she reached for it because she knew it would be there. I want that.
4. Laughing so hard I start to cry.
5. Music. I wake up and turn on music.
6. Capturing the moment.
7. Living in the moment. Being happy there.
8. Running. I am addicted.
9. Pancakes.
10. Family Dinners
11. Goodness. Sometimes people do things for all the right reasons.
12. A first kiss.
13. This is weird. Shaving my legs. I love putting lotion on and how smooth they are.
14. Getting a real letter or card in the mail. Email doesn't count.
15. fresh cut flowers.
16. Boating.
17. disney movies. I love them. I think they are classic and when I have kids I will use them as an excuse to have every one ever made.
18. Sheets on the line.
19. Gma Long's coffee- no one else makes it like she does.
20. Old People. I love old people who have it together and like to talk. They're my favorite. They loose their filter and spew their stories.
21. The way I don't have to say anything and my best friends know what I'm thinking.
22. Friends reruns
23. Old houses. I love the way that no old house is exactly the same.
24. Batter- cookie, cake, doesn't matter. I like batter right under diet coke.Then coffee.
25. Dancing, even though I'm terrible.