sometimes

i love the line "sometimes the sunshine just gets lost in the rain".

let me say with this post that i love my child and couldn't imagine my life without him.
that said- having Foster has delivered the biggest changes in my life that I have ever encountered.

until i had foster i didn't really understand want depression was. i thought that depression affected others but not me. then i felt -what i thought was- baby blues and kept waiting on it to just go away. to return to my old pre baby self. upbeat- cheerful. ive had some good days but they have been scattered in with hopeless. then this hopelessness has been accompanied by guilt. that i am bringing unhappiness on others and that how could i feel like this? am I a bad mother?

so i have been trudging along in this haze of guilt and hopeless misunderstanding. i have come to find that i am not alone in this. 50% of women experience this. I believe that it is underreported because of women's shame that accompanies it.

i went to the doctor and talked things over with my husband and family. I am making my way back to the old-NEW me. i am thankful for the support around me and understanding i've received once i made the decision to talk about what I was feeling.